Can i not drive my cunt home
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
