ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
is that a dick in a sweater?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
