Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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