i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
