absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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