she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize