I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
