It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
