He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
my liver is dry heaving
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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