i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
