I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i dont even know how to be here
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
