Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
So many bounce houses so little time
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
