I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
