i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You are the jesus of drinking
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize