I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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