Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
