you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
