You can't motorboat a personality
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
