Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
