no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
