he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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