I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
