she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
