sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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