very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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