Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
