ya dads aren't the best wingmen
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
