if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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