You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
