And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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