I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
