It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
