we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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