I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
