Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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