good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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