He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
