We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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