Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
