Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Define "chronic" masturbator.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize