i don't like sucking hair
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize