New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
