Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
