That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize