dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
