i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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