She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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