I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
This baby is an asshole
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
