I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
