Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
