i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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