At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
