I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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