I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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