so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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