You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
