I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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