I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize