There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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