Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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