now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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