Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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