Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
