u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Randomize
