I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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