I can feel you judging me through the phone.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
