Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
