You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
