Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
