Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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