So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
