I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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