yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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