when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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