And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize