Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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