i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
