no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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