Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
