We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize