it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
