We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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