Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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