I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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