So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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