Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
