I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
