I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
